I Can See Clearly, Not


Today I had an appointment with iDoc. I go see him on a regular basis because of my macular degeneration. For the first couple of years after I was diagnosed, he would inject me with Avastin in an attempt to salvage my eye.  The injection does not go into my arm, or my hip, or my buttoral maiximus, but directly into my eyeball.

It doesn’t hurt (much), truth be told, but it’s still stressful.  For me, at least. iDoc performs this procedure so often that he has two “injection days” a week. And I’ve had it done 11 times over the past few years. But no matter how often it’s been done, and no matter how much I tell myself that it doesn’t hurt, there’s still something about seeing that needle approach out of the corner of your eye, and watching the fluid squirt out of the tip and dissipate throughout…can we please talk about something else now?

Actually, November was the last time he felt the need to inject, and before that it was July of 2008. so I can’t complain too much. Stlll, these monthly “possible injections” don’t give me much to look forward to, other than the relief and thankfulness of iDoc saying,”It looks OK, I don’t think we’ll need to do an injection this month.”

However, in order to be properly examined, my pupils need to be dilated to the Maximillian, and after having extremely bright lights probing all the way to the back of my eyeballs, I generally leave his office with a splitting headache and a strong sense of “Where the hell am I?”

Driving back to the office on a day like today is the worst: not a cloud in the afternoon sky and snow as far as the eye can see. Or could see, if everything wasn’t so bright.

I’ve often thought I should just go back and sit in the waiting room for a half-hour or so until I can see without squinting again, but I’m afraid if I do that, he’ll have a change of heart and pull me back into his little chamber with a clamps and needles. No, thanks. I’ll make my break while I can.

But if I were you, I’d stay off the roads for a good half-hour after I leave his office.

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